By Marieke Dohrmann
On World AIDS Day, the first of December, Cinemateket in Copenhagen, Denmark opened its doors to a film screening organized by the University of Copenhagen’s Global Health Film Days. Centerpiece of the evening was the Irish documentary How to tell a secret, directed by Anna Rogers and Shaun Dunne and based on Shaun Dunne’s play Rapids.1 In a mixture of documentary-style and theater performance recording, How to tell a secret took us into the world of the Irish HIV-positive community. Shaun himself, his friend Robbie, who offers peer support to others newly diagnosed with HIV, drag performer Veda, and many other voices – sometimes with actors as stand-ins to protect the people whose stories they represented – spoke about their struggles, but also the ways in which they have found community and strength.
There’s Veda, for example, who came out as gay when it was still illegal in Ireland, and who remembers scary TV campaigns from the 80s and times when everyone knew someone who had died of AIDS. Their biggest idol and inspiration is The Diceman (Thom McGinty, a Scottish-Irish mime, actor, and gay activist), and by the end of the film they present a stunning costume in tribute to McGinty, who died of AIDS in 1995.
There’s a woman who used to openly take her HIV medication, making up excuses like kidney disease when asked what they were for. Until another woman approached her, saying she knew what those pills were for – because she herself took them too. There’s comfort in that companionship, but also fear of how easy one can be found out. The other woman no longer visibly takes her pills.
There’s Robbie, talking about his diagnosis. How he remembers everything, and yet did not feel present in the room as it happened. He doesn’t like being called a sufferer of HIV, he says. He suffered then, just after his diagnosis, as the first medications he was put on sucked his energy out and made him unable to even lift a fork.2 A decade later, Robbie is living, thriving even, with HIV, advocating for an end to the stigma and going as far as appearing on national television to do so.
And there’s Aaron. He’s the first one Robbie supported, after a particularly nasty reaction to his first “coming out” as HIV-positive. By the end of the film, ‘Aaron’ – his real name is Michael – joins Robbie and Shaun on stage, sharing his story himself.
There are many more interweaving stories of secrets kept and secrets hidden, to protect parents and children from the stigma of a disease that’s still shrouded in misconceptions. A mother who works in HIV testing, yet only opens to her daughter about her status after she knows the teen is negative. Women who are diagnosed late, because no doctor suspects HIV. Young adults who have never seen information about HIV, whose sex education clearly lacked, and who didn’t know you could get HIV in Ireland. And ethnic minority groups who cannot open up about their diagnosis, because they are afraid of being accused of ‘bringing the virus to Ireland’.
The film may only show one country, but it shows many experiences and perspectives around coming out as HIV-positive, and it does so in moving and impressive ways. From sometimes very expressive, artsy and forceful sound and imagery to very quiet and calm documentary scenes, How to tell a secret combines chaos and planning, isolation and community, authenticity and secrecy in a way that makes the contradictions following an HIV diagnosis experienceable.
In the following panel, experts Lena Skovgaard Andersen (director of University of Copenhagen’s School of Global Health, an assistant professor and clinical psychologist who has focused on the mental health of people living with HIV and worked in South Africa for many years), Michael Nebeling Petersen (an associate professor heading a project about the cultural history of AIDS in Denmark), and Kim Eluf Fischer Nielsen (a hospital chaplain and chairperson of the AIDS helpline) touched upon even more different experiences. Some people living with HIV do not have a choice about sharing their secrets, for example, because they have no private place to store and take their medicines. Similarly, before highly effective medicines were available, many were forced into the open because they could no longer hide the visible impact of AIDS on their bodies.
Today though, with highly effective treatments suppressing viral loads to undetectable (and thus non transmissible) levels, people living with HIV can even have unprotected sex with peace of mind. But not everything about being able to keep HIV a secret is positive, as it can make people feel very isolated with their diagnosis. Status disclosure is not appreciated within all groups, and even for those who do come out, it is an ongoing process that has to be navigated again and again, with every new relationship, and every new close friend.
There is much more that could be said about and on World AIDS Day, but the things that were said during this film and in the surrounding event have certainly made us think and discuss. There were many good and interesting conversations over the drinks provided afterwards, and an emotional impact was clearly visible. If you have never wondered how you would react if someone – a friend, a family member, an ex – disclosed being HIV positive to you, you will be thinking about it after seeing this film.
- The author gives a brief talk about the original play here https://www.rte.ie/radio/radio1/clips/21504073/, and a review can be read here https://www.theartsreview.com/single-post/2019/03/02/Rapids.
The film’s website is available at https://www.howtotellasecret.com/. ↩︎ - If you think that’s an oddly specific example, go watch the film and you’ll understand 😀 ↩︎
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